A blank page is scary to most adults, children simply embrace it, its a starting place to build their creation, whereas adults see it as a challenge to plan the whole thing from top to bottom. Children inherently don’t plan largely because they haven’t learnt that yet, they know roughly what they will do but there isn’t a 12 point action plan to hone every aspect of the piece into a perfect representation of whatever it is.
So why does a blank page scare so many of us? Well for me its firing up the creative juices, they are most definitely there, albeit in amongst a bucket load of nonsense – then you have to share your creation with the world, to me this is the most horrifying thought. What if they don’t like it, what if they think its not finished and all the other what if’s you can possibly think of. A slightly backwards psyche but created by impostor syndrome, a perpetual fear of not being good enough.
Having now been writing a blog post (virtually) everyday since July of last year it has taught me a lot, mostly that whatever I am worried about the chances are a lot of people wont read it anyway, and even if they do, what is the worst they could possibly do to ruin my achievement? Leaving a thoughtless negative comment? Well oh well if they do but their loss wasting their time, not because i’m pig headed and I think my work is brilliant, I know that I need much more practice and I have a long way before becoming the next big thing, but because its their opinion (opinions are just like asshole’s everyone has one but it doesn’t mean we have to listen to them) but because for every 1 person who doesn’t like it there are probably another 2 or 3 who will because they see the potential or it speaks to them in some way. The thing you have to remember is you will never please everyone, life simply doesn’t work like this, we all have an opinion of our own and if we are mature adults we will agree to disagree but beating yourself up because not everyone loves it is just crazy. Trolls who make it their mission to mock people are only transferring their own inadequacies because they have no other outlet and refused to do something creative with their own time.
I am so close to finishing the first draft of my book I can smell it, I just need to break 70k words and I know that it will be time to start reading through, the problem currently is finishing it, it will have to be part of a series as clearly I have a lot more to talk about but I also have to work out a way of ending it so it makes people want more. At the moment I have no official written plan, like I would an essay, I have some portraits and character studies and whilst a plan would probably help its fair to say that my characters would probably rebel and cause a fuss if I try and force them. The story itself is transmogrifying from my subconscious onto the page, that is just how I started it but I think now is the time to at least try and guide them a bit more towards at least finishing the first draft so we can move onto starting the second. I also have to accept that in order for me to succeed people need to buy and read my book so the longer it sits there the chance of someone reading it is nonexistent.
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