Confidence, some of us born with it others learn to be confident and a lot of us waiver somewhere in the middle. Its safe to say I am one of the latter – when I was 8 we were at the market and a egg seller said – ‘she will grow out of that’ to my mother as I did my very best not to be seen or acknowledged. It sounds ridiculously cheesy but its completely true. So did I grow out of it? Well I guess me sitting here writing means that I have grown closer to opening up to people and being more confident.
The truth is though there are still situations where my confidence flies out the window leaving me high and dry. They say its normal but what’s normal? Is it not possible to be confident all the time? The answer to that is I’m sure with practice I will get more confident and even more so in time. Everyone has an off day occasionally, if yours are everyday – then maybe its time to look into why.
If there are things you need to address but are doing a fantastic job of ignoring (totally me included in that) then try tackling a little at a time. As my doctor said to my when I originally went to him about the negative feelings I was having – you are trying to spin too many plates. What he meant was I was trying to do too many things at once – tackle too many things and not looking after myself.
Whether you start with some goal setting or list making – it can allow you to open up areas and get you to tackle them in a way that is easiest for you, if goal setting or list making doesn’t appeal to you then maybe a pros and cons list of the particular thing you are addressing – what is the benefit in holding on vs benefit of you letting go – is it worth you continuing to drag it along like a third leg? If its holding you back surely you can look forward and see you are better off without it? An alternative suggestion would be emotional budgets covered very comprehensively in Sarah Knight’s The Life-Changing Magic of Not Giving a F**k, it helps you understand how changing the way you prioritise things can have an amazing overall affect on your life.
Why do I feel this way? Why can’t I change? Am I not good enough? These are all questions and suggestions I struggle with both within myself and through talking to my friend. Why can’t I let go? Truth be told I don’t know why but it doesn’t matter now, the letting go happens when you do things, positive things for yourself and for others, if you are free to put all your passion and love into something then you don’t need to hold on to the past anymore. You can sit there and argue that its not that simple but in my opinion it has to be just that – find something you love and open yourself up to new experiences you will flourish in ways you never thought you could.
Self-love is a huge part of confidence and your positivity will shine through in spades – as I have said we all have good days and bad days but the aim is to have as many awesome days as possible. Feeling low will always affect your positivity levels but its important to remember you can do it, it might feel absolutely terrible at the time but that doesn’t matter because you’ve achieved – even if that achievement is rolling out of bed to the bathroom and the refrigerator and back to bed again, you did it, feel good and hold onto that feeling, store it for reminding yourself in case you somehow forget how awesome you are!
For those of you who wish the ground to swallow you up as you stand – you aren’t the only one – I know you would rather be invisible sometimes but the love and sense of wellbeing you get from boosting your positivity will lift you far up above your negative feelings. Our happiness revolves around us putting out what we would like to recieve back so the more love you put out there the more you will receive back, you might find something that really helped you, share it – you never know it might help someone else. There is no one thing which makes us universally happy so its up to you what you decide makes you happy – even if it’s just something small
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